Bisexual? Pansexual? Omnisexual? What's The Difference?

You've probably heard the word bisexual before, but you may also have heard the terms pansexual, omnisexual, polysexual and fluid.

Bisexual is an umbrella term meaning sexually and/or physically attracted to two or more genders.  An umbrella term is a word that covers a wide range of other words.  Here are some of the terms that fall under the bisexual umbrella:

Pansexual: attracted to all genders.

Omnisexual: similar to pansexual.

Polysexual: attracted to many genders, not to be confused with polyamorous, which means having many romantic or sexual partners.

Fluid: having a sexuality that changes overtime, also known as "sexually fluid".

It's important to note that gender isn't just cis men, cis women, trans men or trans women.  Gender also falls between the binary, which includes genderqueer, genderfluid and other gender variant people.

What Living With Depression Is Like For Me

Depression is a monster, a demon, an affliction that haunts me almost every day.  It doesn't take a break from tormenting me.

Sometimes late at night, I go into rages.  These rages generally happen between midnight and 3:00 AM.  During these rages, I might scream, throw things, curse, self-harm or want to seek revenge on those who have hurt me in the past.  When my rage is over, I will feel remorseful for doing these things.

Every little thing can make me anxious and just throw off my entire day.  For example, if I'm talking to my mom, and there's a misunderstanding between us, I'll just shut down and feel upset for a large part of the day.

I haven't been hanging out with my friends lately because I feel like they won't understand me, or they might even pull away from me if I tell them some of the things that I'm going through, so I isolate myself from everyone and talk to my imaginary friends instead.

Depression also affects my ability to take care of myself.  Some days I don't get out of bed until noon, and I just stay in my pajamas all day.  Some days I don't brush my teeth, comb my hair, or even shower.  I don't feel like exercising, and I eat a lot sometimes because I'm so damn stressed all the time.  I'm not lazy.  My executive functioning just takes a nosedive.

Some days I feel like life isn't worth living.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't even here.  The only reason I am still here is for my family.  I know that they would be devastated if I were gone. I feel trapped because I don't want to hurt my family, but at the same time, I don't want to suffer anymore.

I'm not a monster, and I'm not a bad person.  I'm just a person who has been hurt, abused, bullied, excluded and misunderstood.  This, I believe, has what led to my depression.

I started to feel depressed when I was about 12 years old, when I started middle school.  At first, my mom and I both thought it was just puberty, but soon we realized that it wasn't, and I saw a school psychiatrist, who prescribed me some medication.

This mental illness that I have is impacting my ability to live out my dreams of becoming a writer and activist.  It's keeping me from loving life as an Autistic woman.

It's not my Autism that's making my life a living hell.  It's my depression.  If only I had a better support system, I could thrive, not just survive.

The only thing that's keeping me alive is my faith in God.  I've been reading my Bible, praying and listening to Christian music to try and increase my faith.  If I didn't have God in my life, I'd probably just totally fall apart.

I hope and I pray that I will win this battle with depression and that I will be able to live life happily again.

Autistic Youth Need Better Role Models

trigger warning: mention of suicide

I have just read a recent article from The Telegraph about an 11-year-old Autistic boy named Shane Laycock who committed suicide.  I wasn't too fond of how it was written, but I could relate to how the boy was feeling.

Shane said he hated adults because they always pushed him aside.  And as a way to cope with the feeling of being isolated, he would climb this tree and take refuge.

Since kindergarten, I have disliked my teachers because I felt that they didn't understand me.  As a result, I would have meltdowns.

Sometimes I felt even my own mother didn't understand my wants and needs.  I was also bullied by other classmates throughout elementary school, so I felt like I had nobody in my corner.

So when I was 8, I started creating imaginary friends.  It may seem unusual for an 8-year-old to create imaginary friends instead of getting rid of them, but this was my coping strategy for dealing with the isolation I was facing.

A year later when I was 9, I wrote my first story for a class assignment.  I the idea that I could create my own world the way I wanted it.  It made me feel like I finally had control over one aspect of my life.

And when I was 17, I started writing private short stories about my imaginary friends.  I guess imagination and writing go hand in hand.

But my creative brain didn't change the way I felt about myself.  When I got to middle school, I started to feel depressed from all the years of isolation and loneliness.  By the middle of the year, I even started to wonder if life was even worth living.

I continued to feel lonely throughout the years, so in my sophomore year of high school, I decided to try and fit in with my peers, just so I would be liked by them.  Big mistake.

It was a mistake because I ended up feeling even more depressed than ever.  School became so unbearable that I almost dropped out in my senior year.

Three years ago, I attempted suicide.  I felt so horrible about myself for so long that I just couldn't take it anymore.

Maybe if I had a good mentor in my youth I would have felt better about myself.  Maybe if Shane had a good mentor to show him that Autism isn't a bad thing he would still be alive today.

Yes, we have successful Autistic people like Temple Grandin, but it's not enough. We need role models who know what it's like to be different, who know what it's like to be shunned or mistreated because we're different, and who have compassion towards us.

Also, neurotypicals need to tell Autistic kids that they're not "bad" or lesser or defective, and they need to stop acting like they are.  It can really hurt their self-esteem.

Personally, I think the best mentor for an Autistic child is an adult who is Autistic themselves, but a neurotypical can also be a good mentor as long as they make the child feel empowered, not deflated.

Rest In Power, Shane Laycock.

The Neurodiversity Movement Needs To Be More Inclusive

Many Autistic people believe in accepting different neurotypes such as Autism, dyslexia and AD(H)D as a way a person's brain is wired and not a disease that needs to be cured or something that needs to be fixed.  This is known as the neurodiversity movement.

That said, I think the neurodiversity movement needs to be more inclusive.

For one thing, there is not a lot of room for different opinions when it comes to Autism Acceptance.  If your opinions differ from the majority of a neurodiversity group, they will harshly criticize you for it. We cannot allow this.

Case in point, I was in a Facebook group for Autistic adults, and two people in the group had puzzle pieces as their profile pictures.  Now, many Autistic people don't like the puzzle piece to represent Autism because they believe that it means that they're something that needs to be solved, like a puzzle.  The infinity symbol is preferred instead to represent neurodiversity.  The two people with the puzzle-piece profile pictures were criticized by another group member.  Personally, I'm ok with both symbols, but everyone has their own preferences.

Another problem with the neurodiversity concept is that there are not enough voices of people who are Black, Latino/a, Asian, Native American,  LGBTQ, lower-income, women, mentally ill people or trauma survivors.  As a Black, Queer, Autistic mentally ill woman who has been through trauma, I feel like my voice is being silenced by people who aren't as marginalized as I am, although I'm sure that this is not their intention.  We need to allow more marginalized groups to speak out on their experiences too.

In order for the neurodiversity movement to be truly accepting of everyone, these changes will have to take place.  Neurodiversity should be an accommodating concept for everyone, not a clique or a cult.

Save The Date: #IWishICouldveToldYou Twitter Bomb

On Thursday November 5, 2015 at 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time, I will be starting a Twitter Bomb called #IWishICouldveToldYou .  This hashtag will give disabled people the opportunity to express what they wanted to say to their parents, caregivers, educators, etc. when they were younger, but couldn't due to communication or other issues.

To participate, make sure you use the hashtag #IWishICouldveToldYou in your tweet.

If you don't have a Twitter account, go to Twitter.com to sign up for one!

Hope to hear from you all!

Stop Trying To Make Us Normal

To everyone who's trying to make us "normal" or "cool" through therapies, peer pressure, or even with mere "suggestions",

Please stop.  You're not helping us.  You're hurting us.  You're making us feel bad about ourselves because we feel like we have to fit in or conform to society to be accepted as human beings.  It's hurting our self-esteem, and it can leave lasting consequences.

Parents and caregivers, when you put your child through ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis), you're not only suppressing their traits that make them wonderfully unique, you're also making them feel bad about being who they are.  This can lead to frustration for the child because they feel they don't have a way to express themselves, which is the reason for aggressive behaviors.  In short: ABA does more harm than good.

Also, if your loved one is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, do not make them go to conversion therapy or any "ex-gay" ministries to try to make them heterosexual or cisgender.  I firmly believe that the "ex-gay" movement is bogus.  You can't just attend a couple of classes or sessions and be straight.  It doesn't work that way.    Plus, many people who have gone through conversion therapy have left there feeling worse about themselves than before.  Many people have abused drugs or alcohol, harmed themselves in other ways, or even attempted suicide because they had such low feelings of self-worth.

And to the young people who are trying to pressure their peers into being "cooler", whether it's by smoking, drinking, doing drugs, having sex, or following the latest trends, stop.  These are self-destructive suggestions, and today's youth already have enough academic and parental pressure.  They don't need your input on how to live their lives.  How someone chooses to live their life is a decision between them and God.  Please stay out of it.

I've been through a hell of a lot of pressure to conform, by both adults and other kids throughout my life, and it's taken it's toll on me.  I haven't gone through conversion therapy (thank God), but I have gone through schools that have ABA-like teachings, which has made me feel like I was a bad person because I'm Autistic.  Plus, in the middle of the night, I used to cry and pray that God would take away my feelings for other girls, but I now realize that He created me this way for a reason.  I'm still trying to figure out what that reason is, however.

I'm also now trying to "re-learn" to be myself again, and by that I mean stimming freely, dressing the way I want, watching TV show and movies I like, etc.

I encourage everyone to just be themselves.  Living to please other people does nothing but stress you out.  It even causes depression, as it has in me.  If I could go back in time, I would try my best to resist pressure to fit in.  Even if I lose friends, at least I know I won't be under so much pressure to conform.  And those people weren't my true friends anyway.

I believe that we were all made wonderfully and fearfully by a loving God, and He doesn't make mistakes.  So whether you're LGBTQ, straight, cisgender, disabled, non-disabled Black, White, Latino/a, Asian, Native American, etc., you are special, and you are unique.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not worthy because you don't conform to the status quo.  It's good to not conform.

Show your true colors!        

Five Ways Employers Can Better Accommodate Autistic Employees

Many Autistic people are unemployed or underemployed.  I think the reason for this is because many potential employers are not accepting and accommodating enough for them.  Here are five ways employers can better accommodate Autistic employees:

1. Do not force your employee to make eye contact with others.

 Many Autistic people have trouble making eye contact when talking to other people because we cannot process both auditory and visual stimuli at the same time.  It is very uncomfortable for us to look at someone while talking to them because the combination of auditory stimuli (what the person is saying to us) and visual stimuli (looking at the person who we are conversating with) is often overwhelming for us.  It does not mean we are not listening to you when we do not look at you.  We just have a different way of processing information inside our minds.

2. Allow extra time for your employee to respond to you.

Because an Autistic person may process information a little differently than a neurotypical (non-Autistic) person would, it may take us longer to figure out what you're saying to us.  Also, many Autistic people use other forms of commucation besides verbal words, such as iPads, letter boards, writing, and picture boards, so it may take longer for them to respond to you.

3. Allow your employee to stim.

For those of you who are not familiar with stimming, it's a type of coping mechanism that occurs naturally in many Autistic people.  Many of us stim to regulate our moods, or as a response to stimuli around us.  Some examples of stimmming mechanisms include body-rocking, hand-flapping, jumping, etc.  Fidgeting with objects can also count as stimming.  Usually, stimming is harmless to the person doing the stimming, and the people around them, so please allow us to use our coping mechanisms.

4. Allow your employees to take breaks.

Autistic people can become "burned-out" very easily, which may cause physical and emotional distress and may effect our job performance.  To avoid employee burnout, allow us to take breaks when we need them.  For example, allow us to have "stim breaks" when we need them to allow us to stim freely when we need to.

5. Give clear, precise instructions about your employee's task to them.

Many Autistic people need very detailed instructions on how to do our jobs, and many of us need them in steps.  We cannot process too much information at once.  It may be overwhelming for us.  Some Autistics prefer verbal instruction, while others, like myself prefer visual instructions, such as pictures or large-print text.  If you are not sure what your employee prefers as far as what type of instructions they prefer, ask them.
 
In conclusion, Autistic people are good workers and we can work hard and to the best of our ability given the right accomodations.  I firmly believe that if more employees took the time to gove Autistic people these accommodations, Autistic people will have much more success in the workforce.

For more information about Autism, go to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network's website.